I had no self-worth much less any self-love. My mom was a single mother of 3, so she worked all the time. We moved around a lot. That’s when the walls started being built, so I wouldn’t get too attached before we moved again.
I got pregnant with my oldest son at 17 in 2008, to a man who was physically and mentally abusive. He was also a drug addict.
I had my second son January 7, 2010.
Just over a month later my mom died. We were not even talking at the time.
I shortly married a young guy for some “security,” and it only lasted just a few short months.
Now in the midst of all that, I signed custody away to my second son in 2011, and I started dating my biggest addiction. We got pregnant just a few short months. During my pregnancy, his true colors started to show. More mental, physical and verbal abuse took place. Too much to list. The verbal and mental abuse of being too fat, worthless, unwanted, or never being half the mother; my mother was, was a gut-wrenching pain. Eventually, he left us.
Again, I found myself a single mother barely staying above water. When the overwhelming “fact” of not being good enough took over, Crystal Meth seemed the only reasonable answer.
In August 2015, I tried Crystal Meth for the first time. In one short month, it took everything from me, my children included. And I spiraled out of control. I ended back with my youngest son father. He didn’t care that I had lost our child to foster care. He was just happy we now had something in common.
Eventually, the abuse picked right back up, this time it was a whole lot worse. I woke up Thanksgiving Day 2015, in complete distraught over what I let happen to our kids. I wanted his comfort, but all I got was his rage. That’s when I realized I was living my mother’s life.
The cycle had to end. In December 2015, I left him and turned myself into jail. I sat 20 days, got out and stayed clean for 6 months.
August of 2016, I admitted myself to the Haven Of Hope Mt. Vernon, Alabama campus known as the Taylor House. I got saved August 14, 2016, and baptized September 11, 2016 (best decision of my life).
Since I have put all my trust in God and laid everything at the foot of his cross, my children included, God has blessed me in more ways than I deserve. God is restoring my relationship with my kids, and bringing my brothers and me closer.
But by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; ~ I Corinthians 15:10