When Divorce is an Option

Chapter Ten. The Day Adam Died; Encouragement for Women

Last week the Baptist Blogger shared previous audio clips in which Paige Patterson, the president of the Southern Baptist Southwestern Seminary said a Christian woman should stay in an abusive marriage and submit to her husband instead of getting a divorce. His statements have outraged women ministers across the U.S and rightly so. Perhaps you’ve seen the response from Beth Moore on social media where she proclaims, “Wives, do not submit to abuse.” She and I differ on many things, but on this, I agree 100%.

I’ve been asked by many women if they could divorce their abusive husband. My answer is and has always been yes. Women were created in God’s image. Daughters of the King are the apple of God’s eye and woe to them that harm us. God hates abuse in any form. For years abusive men have twisted scripture to keep their wives prisoners in deadly marriages. Church leadership has wrongly advised women to place their lives and their children’s lives in danger.

Thank God, the truth will set them free. The Bible is absolute truth. There are at least 4 different scriptural references in the Bible to support the divorcing of an abusive spouse. Chapter Eleven of The Day Adam Died examines these scriptures and discusses them in depth. Since the goal of writing this book is to help women realize who they were created to be, and their value to God, I’m posting the entire chapter on my blog. I hope you will read it and share it. Hopefully, a precious woman of God will realize that she doesn’t have to stay in an abusive marriage.

The Day Adam Died

 

Chapter Ten
Divorce

When a certain, young lady entered a rehab program, she was having an affair with a married man. During my Bible class, I could tell she loved this man very much. However, once she was born again, she was convicted of her relationship. Yet, she had a preconceived notion that because they had committed adultery, it was alright with God that he divorce his current wife and marry her.

Many people do this. They twist scripture and remove the context in which it is given to justify their sinful life. Please, don’t do this. Adultery isn’t a get out of marriage free card.

In some instances, adultery can and should be forgiven. We all make mistakes. If your spouse is genuinely sorry for breaking the sacred vows of marriage, you should try to reconcile. However, if you married him thinking he was a faithful man and turns out he is a habitual cheater, then yes, divorce is an option.

Many people erroneously believe adultery is the only biblical reason for divorce. However, that isn’t what Jesus said.1 When Jesus was talking to the men of Israel, they asked Him a question He had already answered.2 His answer did not change.

In the culture at that time, if a man married a woman and was displeased with her, he could give her a bill of divorcement and send her back to her father’s house. Here, they are asking Jesus to approve this practice.

He doesn’t. Instead, He tells them the only way they can divorce a new wife is if after they marry her, they realize she has fornicated or had sex before their marriage. The only two ways they can know she is guilty of this sin is if she is pregnant or if she isn’t a virgin on their wedding night.

Jesus is telling them, if you married her thinking she is a virgin, but after the wedding, you realize you have been deceived, divorce is an option.3 If he divorced her for any other reason, he causes her to commit adultery. If she remarries and the man who marries her would also be committing adultery.

When we apply this passage of scripture to our lives, we can say if you married him thinking he was a good man, but shortly after the wedding realize he endangers you or your bloodline, divorce is an option. In other words, if you married him believing he would protect and provide for you and your children, but soon discover he is abusive, divorce is an option.

I have prayed with many abused wives with husbands that seem to be godly men. Yet, bruises and tears don’t lie. Some of these men have twisted scripture to force their wives into submitting to horrible and deadly situations. Most of these manipulators use the same tactic. They tell their wife she can’t leave because he hasn’t committed adultery. They tell her, if she leaves him, she is outside the will of God. They say if she leaves, she will go to hell. They convince her Jesus wants her to endure the abuse. And some wrongly believe it is the husband’s responsibility to discipline his wife.

Most of the ministers I know express an opinion that a woman shouldn’t stay in an abusive marriage. I am of the same opinion, and scripture agrees.

If your salvation is in danger, you have a God-given right to protect it.4 Even if you must change your environment, your friends, or your family.

When Jesus talked about hell, He gave some disturbing commandments. He said if your hand or foot will cause you to go to hell, you should cut them off. He also said if your eye offends you, pluck it out and cast it far from you.5 This principle can be applied to your head or your husband. If staying in your marriage will send you to hell, cast it from you.

I have known many women who have successfully completed a drug and alcohol program. They gave their lives to Jesus and He washed them in His sacrificial blood. They were reconnected to God. They were alive in Christ. Until, they reunited with their husband, and their husband and his sin led them down a path of destruction.

God instructed His people to kill everyone who tempted them to worship anything other than God Himself.6 We shouldn’t physically murder, but we should divorce ourselves from anyone who tempts us to worship anything other than God. This includes our husbands. If your husband is tempting you to disobey God, you can spiritually cut off your head by divorcing him.

God knew you before you were in your mother’s womb.7 Your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost.8 Your body is used to glorify God. Your husband is commanded to love you as Christ loves His church. Your husband should love your body. Love isn’t abusive.

Zechariah prophesies to the daughters of Zion, but his prophetic book can also be applied to the daughters of the King. You are the apple of God’s eye. Anyone who hurts you is subject to God’s wrath. And you are instructed to deliver yourself.9

If your husband abuses you, you may deliver yourself from him by divorcing him and removing yourself from danger. This also applies if your husband abuses your children.

There is a great debate in the church concerning remarriage after divorce. When you divorce your husband, you are spiritually cutting off your own head. Your married body has died. Your head or your husband is also spiritually dead.10

Remarriage is possible after divorce. However, there are ministers who believe your husband must be physically dead before you can remarry. This is something you must consult your Savior about. He knows what is best for your life. If He gives you a husband, accept Him. If God calls you to stay single, enjoy your freedom.

Please don’t let the opinions of man, keep you from accepting the blessings God has for you. But please, don’t let loneliness keep you from the perfect will of God.

Before you make any decision on this scale, I recommend you not only pray but commit yourself to some type of fast. Try everything in your power to repair or restore your marriage. Too many people use lame excuses to marry and remarry. This is not the will of God for you. Remember what happened to the people who did this in Noah’s day. Marriage is more than a commitment between two people. It is a three-fold covenant. It caused God great pain when the male and female ADAM were separated. Just as divorce causes Him pain today.


1 Matthew 19:3-9

2 Matthew 5

3 Deuteronomy 22

4 Hebrews 2:3-4

5 Matthew 18:8-9

6 Deuteronomy 13

7 Jeremiah 1:5

8 I Corinthians 6:19

9 Zechariah 2:7-9

10 I Corinthians 7:39

 

The Day Adam Died; Encouragement for Women

The Day Adam Died; Encouragement for Women (Empowered Publications, 2018)

The Day Adam Died; Encouragement for Women

$10.99 Paperback
$5.99 Ebook

Written in a casual conversation style, The Day Adam Died; Encouragement for Women includes 24 illustrations that will challenge the reader to rethink the traditional stereotypes of women.

Bridgett Henson challenges women of all ages to be who God called them to be and to find God’s purpose for their life whether they are: married, single, widowed, divorced, stay-at-home-moms, career-oriented, or retired.

“… shows the Father’s love to those who may have never seen it before.” ~ Stan Ledford, Author and Pastor of Lindsay Assembly of God.

“This is a book for women to share with each other, with their daughters, and with their husbands, brothers, and sons.” ~ Dr. Stephen Phifer, Online Professor of Worship Studies, University of Valley Forge.

The Day Adam Died

Encouragement for Women

The Day Adam Died; Encouragement for Women

Introduction my newest book!!    Great for Mother’s Day!    Scroll Down to Order.

The Day Adam Died is a biblically accurate response to the attacks on women and their roles in the family, the world, and the church.
This book gives easy answers to tough questions such as:

Are women cursed?
Did God talk to Eve?
Are the roles women play the positions they were created for?
And many others.

 

~Excerpt of The Day Adam Died; Encouragement for Women. By: Bridgett Henson

Introduction

When I got saved, the thing I loved most about Jesus was that He loved me.

Just that. He loved me. He loved Bridgett.

He didn’t manipulate my mind to make me think a certain way. He didn’t abuse my body for His own pleasure. He didn’t want me to give up a part of myself to become what He needed.

Yes, He did change me. He forgave and forgot my sins. He gave me a desire to do good. He made me new.

But, He didn’t try to change the essence of me. The me that He created before I was in my mother’s womb. Instead, He brought out the best parts of me. And for the first time, I was enough. Me, that scared little girl who put on a tough-guy act. He loved me. It was okay that I didn’t know the difference between Elijah and Elisha. It was okay that I didn’t really know why Jesus died on the cross. He loved me anyway.

And I love Him, because He makes me feel loved, special, and valued.

We spent time together. I fell in love with His words, and read the bible all throughout the day. The most special time was spent in prayer. I talked to Him, and He talked to me.

Before Jesus, my life was filled with neglect and abuse. I lived in a world where little girls and women were valued based on their ability to serve men. Could they cook? Clean? Have babies? Give pleasure?

But Jesus was different.

Or so I thought in the beginning until Christian men and even preachers implied that a woman had lesser value than a man. I heard things like the woman was created to serve the man. Women shouldn’t teach or preach in church. Some said they shouldn’t even speak. One man proclaimed that God spoke to women through men, just as He spoke to Eve through Adam.

Even as a young convert, I knew something was wrong with that opinion. I knew that Jesus talked to me. Surely, He talked to the first woman too. Didn’t He?

When God came into the garden and said, “Adam, where art thou?”, why didn’t he ask where Eve was?

A great man of God once said any part of the bible that you have a hard time believing, is the part you need to study the most. The more I studied, the more questions I had.

Why didn’t God talk to Eve? Why didn’t He tell her not to eat of the fruit? Would it have made a difference if He had? Why didn’t He walk with her in the cool of the day? And what did she do while He was talking to Adam? Did she follow behind them like a lost puppy? Did God think that she was so insignificant that He couldn’t be bothered to greet her?

God doesn’t address the woman until after sin. As a matter of fact, the name Eve isn’t mentioned until the latter part of chapter three. Why?

This question bothered me. Greatly. But I hesitated to ask Him for the answer. I think I was afraid of hearing that it was all an illusion. That I wasn’t as loved as I thought. That I wasn’t worth as much as a man. That my soul wasn’t as valuable.

I did pay extra attention to the story. I’m a science geek. When I found Answers in Genesis, I soaked up every fact they had to offer. Which is great, valuable information on creation, but they didn’t answer my question. Why didn’t God talk to Eve before she sinned? Why didn’t He personally warn her about the forbidden fruit?

Others had opinions on the subject though. And let me add here that Christian doctrine can be extremely confusing to a new convert. It seems there are a million different opinions on Adam and Eve, but none of them lined up with scripture.

I finally got brave enough and asked my Savior, “Jesus, You talk to me. Why didn’t you talk to her?”

He replied, “I did.”

When? Where does the bible record that?

I found the answer during my morning prayer time and bible study. I came across these words “male and female He created them. And He called their name Adam.”[1]

My heart pounded as my Spirit quickened. God was telling me something important. I meditated on that phrase for weeks. I reread the first five chapters of Genesis almost daily. And then I knew. Once I fully understood who Adam was; once I understood how God created man; once I saw ADAM from God’s point of view, I knew.

God did talk to the woman. He did love her. He did value her.

I want to share the answer that I found, but before I do, I want to ask you a question.

Do you believe the Bible is truth? The whole Bible? Even the parts that you don’t like? The parts that you don’t understand?

I know it’s scary and confusing when you read things like. “let your women keep silent in the church.” Or the dreaded “wives submit to your own husbands”. But if we are going to believe God’s word for our salvation, we must believe Him for every part of our life. We can’t pick and choose which parts of the Bible we want to believe. We must believe all of it. Or none of it.

Now, we know that all things work together for the good of them that love God.

Do you love God? If yes, then let me assure you that every word in the Bible (the ones we like and the ones we don’t like) are for our good and for His glory.

We know Jesus loves us. He’s proven that love to us each in our own way. You know that He does. Or you wouldn’t be reading this book. He’s proven His love by loving us when we were unlovable, by providing the things that we needed. By holding us when we cried out to Him.

Jesus is the Bible in the flesh. If Jesus loves us, then the words in the Bible love us. We aren’t afraid of Jesus. We shouldn’t be afraid of the bible.

The Bible is truth, and truth sets us free. Just as Jesus set us free from sins, the truth in the Bible can set us free from our doubts. If we believe every word.

The Day Adam Died is based on the truths found in the Bible. The scripture reference for each of these truths will be listed in the footnotes at the bottom of every page.

Though the enemy and the world has tried to change it, God’s word never changes. It stays the same. I’m not trying to change the Word or its meaning. The words in this book aren’t a new interpretation or a new revelation. The Day Adam Died agrees with the original translation of Genesis.

How valuable was Eve to God?

I believe that every woman needs to hear the answer. Because I believe that I’m not the only woman who’s ever wondered, “Am I enough?”

[1] Genesis 5:2

~ The Day ADAM Died; Encouragement for Women, Introduction.

A Safe Place

Prayer is a safe place.

When I was a little girl, I had a secret place. A place I could go where no one could find me. To get there, I’d have to crawl on my belly through dirt, dust, and spider webs.

I’d get dirty.
It was a scary, dark journey.
But once I got there, I could stand.
I could see.
It was cool but not cold.
It was warm but not stifling hot.
It was perfect.
It was special.
It was mine.
It was sacred.

Once I found this place, I could escape the pain of reality.
I could breathe without fear of judgment.

This place reminds me of prayer. There is secret, safe place at the foot of the cross. Sometimes, you must belly crawl through the cobwebs of your mind before you get there. Yet, it is worth it when you reach The Throne Room of Grace.

Finding time to pray is a struggle. The enemy will often steal that sacred time with distractions or diversions. But even if you have to claw your way, carve out a time for prayer. It will be worth it. When you get there, you’ll be able to stand against anything.

We are invited by God to boldly go before His throne.

You can escape the pain of reality.

You can breathe in God’s presence without the fear of judgment.

Prayer is a safe place.